Sorcerer's Apprentice by Amy Wallace

Author:Amy Wallace [Wallace, Amy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-58394-809-5
Publisher: North Atlantic Books
Published: 2013-07-30T00:00:00+00:00

Astrid had the splendid physique of a classical Amazon, and as little body fat as an Olympian. Yet, because she was tall and big-boned, Castaneda told us her athletic legs were “huge.” (He told the group the same thing about my muscular arms, which Florinda so admired, urging me to buy sleeveless dresses. Ashamed, I refused.) Distraught, Astrid considered liposuction. Her shame tormented her, and when she had over-dieted, her face looked disturbingly gaunt. How shocked the seminar attendees would have been, as they emulated this perfect physical specimen! Once she wore a skirt for a special occasion, and a livid Carlos sent her home to change. It was unseemly, he told us, for her to show “her huge legs, trying to play the little girl.”

Both Zuna and I carried our extra weight in our stomachs, which Carlos pinched and prodded during class. I developed a hunched-over posture and wore baggy sweaters to conceal this “defect.” During times of minor stress, I overeat. During times of great stress, I can barely eat at all. Thus, on a few occasions, I lost five to ten pounds seemingly overnight. Instantly, my status in Carlos’ eyes improved. When he felt I was too fat, Carlos insisted on making love without removing my outer clothes. When I was thin enough, he preferred to see my body.

One night, as we lay side by side in bed, he said, “I want you to be the president of a big corporation I’m about to start.” (Cleargreen was incorporated shortly thereafter, with Sonia as president.) I was flattered, but extremely worried. I bit my lip, wondering if I would ever write again, knowing it would become impossible if he chose me for the job.

He went on, “For this task, I am dreaming you—last night I saw you in my dreams, a gaunt elf.” He sucked in his cheeks. “You must be gaunt, chica, to fit through the eye of the needle to freedom.” I promised to lose more weight.

Carlos had another intense obsession regarding women’s bodies. He wanted us to remove nearly all of our body hair, so we would look less like our primate forbears. To be “an ape,” as don Juan had taught him, was to be “human.” Taisha had spent years with Carlos’ favorite electrolysist, Faye, removing all body hair besides eyebrows and lashes. Faye said it took years just to do an average woman’s two legs. Muni, Carlos complained, was “very hairy,” while Florinda was almost hairless. He dispatched me to Faye to create a perfect bikini line, a painful, expensive, and time-consuming process. When he announced my visits to the whole class, I slunk out afterwards, ashamed. No doubt it was his usual ego-busting technique—surely he knew most women are sensitive about such matters, and few people like to have their genitals discussed in public, much less criticized. I was very upset, and I nervously confided in Guido as he walked me to my car.

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